A New Day

Lewis and I have been so touched by the out-pouring of love we've experienced in the last week! I wasn't entirely sure that the blog was a good idea but now I know without a doubt that sharing our latest struggle with all of you was the right move. I can't tell you how much all of your amazing emails and cards have lifted us up! Thank you so much for taking the time to let us know you're thinking of us and for all the prayers.

I have spent a lot of time this last week talking to our Father. The frustration and hurt I felt over our miscarriage has melted away and I'm left with such a feeling of peace about it now. I know in my heart that there was a purpose in what happened. I truly feel that God must have needed another little angel and He needed us to conceive one for Him. It was a gift to carry that little soul inside me even for such a short period and I feel blessed to have known that feeling. As much as it hurt to let it go, I know that we will be blessed with another pregnancy and a healthy baby sometime soon. This showed us that it's possible and maybe it was God's way of getting us ready.

I also believe that through this struggle, God is drawing me closer to Him and teaching me that I need to have more faith in His plan and His timing. I am a planner by nature - I make lists, I love time lines and goals. My approach to getting pregnant has been to research and plan, plan, plan. I know in my heart that as much as I plan, I can't make this happen in my timing - it has to happen according to God's timing. Still, for someone like me, it can be really hard to relinquish control when it's something I want so badly. In the last few weeks, I have prayed for Him to help me trust in His timing and to help me cope with the fear and anxiety I was feeling about trying to get pregnant again. I woke up yesterday morning and again this morning with so much hope and joy in my heart. There is such comfort in knowing that even when we don't' see it, He is at work in our lives!!!

I am praying for a baby more fervently than ever but I am also praying for patience, faith and wisdom in the meantime. I found the following prayer online and along with praying for a healthy baby, it has become part of my daily mantra...

St. David's Prayer for Infertility
Thank you, Lord, for all the blessings in my life. Help me to remember them as I face the challenges of infertility. I pray that I can surrender myself into your hands. Let me accept the reality of this situation and have the wisdom and courage to take action where I can. Strengthen my body, mind and spirit to endure the trials of infertility. Keep me ever mindful of the needs of others and grant us your peace. Amen.

On a separate note, please keep Lewis in your prayers as he recovers from a back procedure he underwent this past Thursday. He has suffered with back problems for years and years as a result of degenerative disc disease. After trying physical therapy for several months without a change, they decided to try injection therapy to see if he can get some relief. So far, he has noticed a small difference and we are praying tomorrow brings even more relief!